Currently browsing Decisions

Paralysis by analysis.  This is a great technical term that we underwriters used in the insurance industry – it meas you analyze something so much that you can’t move forward with a decision because you feel that you never know enough.   Well, it’s a trap that people who aren’t underwriters (or don’t even know what an underwriter is) also fall into.

How?  By becoming overwhelmed by obstacles, choices, fear, anxiety, guilt, ambivalence, and whatever else that we tend to feel when we don’t know what it is we want.  We get so wrapped up in focusing on what we don’t want that it takes over the majority of our energy.  We may not even realize that there is more to life than this and we keep feeling stuck and going in circles.  Or we may just not know how to help ourselves take that first step to unparalyze ourselves so we keep doing more of the same, or more nothing, getting us more of the same – or more nothing.

I’ve been stuck here more than once – and not just in a career sense.  I’ve felt stuck like that as a parent, a spouse, and a friend.  Even just as a human being.  Now I do a lot of work on myself because I don’t like being stuck.  What drove me nuts, was why I kept returning to this paralyzed state even after seemingly figuring things out and getting back on my path.  Then one day I got it!

I was chatting with a dear friend who I’ve chatted with every Tuesday night for the past two years.  We don’t even live in the same country but we have formed this amazing bond of mutual growth, sharing, and learning/teaching.  She has a strong HR and croporate background and we were talking about our goals for this year.  She asked me what my vision was for my business…hmmm.  Good question.

I told her I didn’t know what a vision was really…I gave her a list of goals.  She explained to me that a vision is like a bird’s eye view of what I want to accomplish through my business.  If I were to look at the entirety of my work in the world from 20,000 feet up in the air, what would be the main theme?  DING!!!! The lightbulb had been turned on.  The bell was rining loud and clear!

In that moment I understood why I had often become paralyzed by overanalyzing stuff about my business and my life.  I knew what my “Big Why” was in my work… but I had never, for some strange reason, connected the dots between that and all the actions I was taking.  Sure I had goals…but if the goals got too big or too tall…I would freak out.  I would begin to analyze.  I would…you know the rest…get paralyzed and do nothing…then feel bad, etc. 

The huge dot that I connected during this chat was that as long as all my steps, big or small, were moving me closer to my Big Why – to my vision, then I couldn’t go wrong.  All of a sudden it seemed easy to make choices without analysis.  I realized that even the big, tall goals would fit and get accomplished – one step at a time.   I no longer felt like I was floundering about, swimming in the dark. 

So now I’ve stepped back and taken a good look at my life from space.  I decided that a vision is a smart thing to have in every area of my life, beginning with my relationship with my children.  Having these dots connected has just shifted everything into focus for me.  It’s been enlightening beyond words.  As long as I have that vision in front of me, I know that I can make the right choices and take the right steps. 

So, if you find yourself paralyzed because you don’t know which way to go right now…get yourself out of the weeds.  Figure out what is your highest intention for your relationship, your career, your business, your spirituality, or whatever area you feel you’re stuck in.  Then use that bird’s eye view perspective to find a path for yourself; find the next logical or feel good choice and take it. 

Have any of you been paralyzed by analysis?  How did you move through it?

Why is it so hard to change our minds sometimes?  In fact, have you ever tried to change your mind only to discover that your mind seems to have a mind of it’s own? 

What causes some of us to resist change and others to thrive on it?  Researchers and scientists such as Dr Bruce Lipton have stated that it comes down to what we believe is true for us.  If you want change to be easy you must change your beliefs.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it? 

There are so many cliches about change such as “nothing is certain except taxes, death and change,” that it’s no wonder there are also many myths surrounding this topic.  What were you told about change as you were growing up?  What are you telling your own kids about it?  I would like to debunk three myths about change to show that it’s simple and there is nothing to fear. 

Myth 1       If you’ve had a limiting belief for a long time it will take a long time to change it

Fact:  Our minds are like the software in a computer.  It may take us a long time to write a particular program for a belief or we may gain a belief very quickly.  Now, can you think of a belief that you used to have that’s no longer true for you?  A single event or a period of time may lead us to change our beliefs. The truth is, that it’s not the change itself that takes the time, it’s us being ready to do the changing.  

Changing beliefs is like changing a document in a computer. It doesn’t take any longer to change a document that has been in your computer 20 years than it does one that has been there for 20 minutes.  The hardest part for many people is being ready to change.  When you’re ready the change is instant.

Myth 2       Changing old behaviours and thought patterns is difficult and often painful.

Fact: Dr Bruce Lipton states that what and how we think and how we behave are caused by our beliefs.  When you change the belief you change the resulting behaviour or thought pattern.  You don’t actually need to suffer to change.  It’s easy to rewrite your own software when you work with the unconscious mind which is the storehouse of all your thoughts and behaviors.  This no pain no gain myth has no basis in science.  Scientifically, beliefs are represented by specific configurations of photons of light held in the electromagnetic field of your mind. Change the field and you change the belief and this doesn’t physically hurt.  Any perceived pain is often emotional and it’s that perception of change that we fear most, not the act of change itself.  

Myth 3       You need to consciously know what caused the problem in order to change it. 

Fact: Uncovering a problem and then talking about why a it exists and where it comes from rarely create any shifts in the direction of a solution.  When you’re ready to change and release your problems, it’s not necessary to know why it exists or where it came from.  Focusing on resolving  the problem and taking action to move forward makes the act of change itself very simple.

It’s easy to get caught up in beliefs and myths that have been around for many years.  With the strides that have been made in change technologies and alternative therapies in the recent years, I believe such myths will become a thing of the past for many.  It’s my hope that the world will continue to awaken and become more open to helping themselves let go of these fears and achieve what they want.

Over the holidays this year I encountered a situation I had never dealt with before. I was in Vancouver and was approached by someone who was obviously in a great deal of pain. He kept dancing around what was wrong and there was obviously something wrong. He finally confided in me that someone had recently shot him.

Not thinking twice I offerd my support and got him to where he could sit down. I made the necessary calls for emergency services and waited. He kept telling me and the folks I was with to go on, and he felt bad for keeping us. I remember telling him that our own errand was not nearly as important as his life and I insisted on staying with him. The emergency crews showed up quickly and took care of the man and the police ended up arresting him for being the wrongdoer in a prior incident shortly before he approached me.

After calling my wife and telling her the situation and about this guy being a wrongdoer who was involved in a police incident she bluntly asked me if I would have done the same thing for him had I known he was a wrongdoer in the first place. I immediately responded with of course I would have; he was a fellow human being in need of help.

I am going to be bluntly honest here and say that I am not sure I would have always responded with such conviction. There were some very dark times in my past where I may not have been so open to offering help to others. I am extremely grateful to the universe for having challenged me in this way, as it was another way for me to grow emotionally and universally.

I can honestly say that because of all my experiences and my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth I can now say I would help any human being no matter what the situation, in any way I possibly could. And this is also what I am teaching my children. They need to see the good in everyone because I believe, it is not the people that are bad but the choices they make and actions that they carry out.

So in closing I would like to borrow a concept from Neuro Linguistic Programming teachings that states: People are not their behaviors; accept the person and change the behavior. We do not know what caused that guy to make the choices he made and to get himself arrested. He has red blood in his veins just like the rest of us and he deserved to be helped.

I took a different approach to this year’s goals.  This new approach was inspired by the book Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley.  In it he talks a lot about how to really get what you want. And although I disagree with some of it and in my opinion, he skirts a few issues that are important, it’s a fantastic read and really gets you thinking about how to get what you want.  I mean really, in layman’s terms and it makes sense what he says.

So my goals for this year are still related to my business and my family life, but this year I’m focused more on internal stuff.  By that I mean on the way I feel and what type of experience I want to creat in my life as opposed to just having a goal for goal’s sake and because it’s what I should have as a business owner. 

My main focus this year is prosperity – that’s my one word theme for 2011.  All my results that I want to achieve center around this theme.  And it’s not just about money because money has only a little bit to do with prosperity. 

This year I want to creat meaning in every moment that I have with my family.  I want to continue to connect in meaningful ways with friends and new business people.  I want to feel that every action I take or don’t take really has a purpose in bringing me closer to my end result.  I want to greedily FEEL more good emotions than negative ones.  I want to do whatever I can do help others become what they are meant to be. I also want to take very good care of me – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

I’m going to

1. Be Grateful for everything I am and have in my life right now.

2. Focus on my end results.

3. Take action every day.

All these things bring prosperity in material and non-material ways.  So as much as I have financial goals and fitness goals with numbers in them, the numbers are not necessarily the main focus for me.  The experience is the main focus.  And that’s different from what I’ve done in the past.  I’m really excited about my year and my new approach!

Have New Years Resolutions become cliches? For some people Resolutions represent a goal that is set but never achieved. Some people set a Resolution because it’s tradition, even if they don’t end up achieving it. And some people don’t make any Resolutions because they just assume they won’t reach them anyway. Some people, however, do set Resolutions and achieve them – what is their secret?

A Resolution is a different label for a goal or an end result. Successful people set goals and then take action to achieving those goals. And achieving goals has nothing to do with having the whole route figured out and planned in detail. In fact, that’s where a lot of people go wrong and end up giving up on their goals.

Why are goals important? Because they help you figure out that you’ve arrived at the place where you wanted to be. Below are some secrets that I’ve learned about getting what you want in life. If you’ve heard these secrets before and are tempted to discount them because they haven’t worked in the past, consider this: have these strategies not worked because this is all rubbish? Or have these strategies not worked because you haven’t implemented them?

Secret 1: A good goal has a well defined end result. If you don’t know what you really want to achieve then how will you know when you have achieved it? If you don’t know, you will end up meandering and wandering around, creating more of the same in your life. Without knowing what specific results you want to have, you will just get vague results.

Secret 2: The goal must be meaningful to you and ecological for you, your family, your community, and the planet. This means that you set goals because you want to and not because someone else wants you to. When we try to do something to make someone else happy, we invariably fail. This doesn’t mean you don’t take others into account when setting your end result. It’s imperative to consider others and how they will be affected by your achievement of a certain goal.

Secret 3: Taking action. If you sit on your sofa and visualize all day how wonderful it will be when you achieve your goal, you will not achieve it. We live in a physical world and we must put in energy to get something in return. We must take action in order to manifest our end results. This doesn’t mean having everything figured out in detail. It simply means that we take action based on the steps we feel are the best steps to take towards our goal and then we tweak as we go.

Secret 4: Celebrating obstacles. Yes, celebrating them, not bemoaning them. If you did sit on your sofa and just visualize all day you would never reach an obstacle. Consider obstacles to be like mile markers telling you that you are getting closer to your end result. Obstacles are also opportunities for you to course correct and evaluate your progress.

How do you set goals properly? The good news is, there is no proper way. The even better news is that there are some easy guidelines you can follow:

1. Know your end result and be specific.

2. State your end result in positive language and as if you’ve already achieved it: “I have meaningful, clear, and respectful communication with my family” instead of “I don’t want to fight with my family”

3. Let go of whatever is standing in your way of achieving your desired end result.

4. Take action in the general direction of your goal, tweak or readjust your course as needed, and do something every day to move you closer to your goal.

5. Celebrate your obstacles and also your achievements.

No matter what you want to call it: a New Years Resolution, a Goal, or an End Result, it makes sense to define what you want to achieve. This way you will know you have succeeded in your life the way you want to instead of just meandering, hoping for the best.

What are you willing to do differently next year to make sure you’re in the place you want to be in December 2011?