Excerpt From the Fresh Perspective Mindset Home Study System:

There are three prevalent communication styles that exist.  Knowing the differences between them and what to look for will help you communicate more effectively with your family, your friends and everyone you come into contact with.  Although most people do use more than one style at a time, everyone has a preference.  Knowing which style you prefer will help you become more flexible with your communication and allow others to understand you better.

1. Visual Communicators tend to speak quickly and sit and stand with their head and body erect and with their eyes up.  They breathe from the top of their lungs and often sit forward in their chair.  They memorize by seeing pictures and their thoughts can tend to wander which means they may have trouble remembering verbal instructions.  A visual person is interested in how something looks and tends to use words and phrases that reflect the visual modality.  Here are a few examples:

“I see what you mean”

“That’s very clear to me”

“I can visualise that”

“I can envision that”

1. Auditory Communicators tend to breathe from the middle of their lungs and often move their eyes sideways.  They can be easily distracted by noise.  They are able to easily repeat things back to you, learn by listening, and like music and talking on the phone.  They memorize by steps and sequences.  They like to be told how they are doing and are interested in how something sounds.  They will use language that reflects the auditory modality, saying things such as:

“Listen up”

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That’s music to my ears”

“Clear as a bell”

1. Kinaesthetic Communicators speak slowly and breathes deeply and from their belly.  They tend to look down and may also stand closer to people than the other communicator styles.  They memorize by doing or walking through something and are interested in what feels right.  Their language will reflect kinaesthetic words and phrases.  For example:

“Are you picking up on that?”

“Can you grasp this?”

“I have a handle on this”

“I feel you”

By listening attentively and paying attention to a person’s physiology and body language you can determine how they best like to communicate.  You can then build rapport with this person more easily by using some of the words and phrases that they use so that they will hear and understand you better.  It helps to know what type of communication style your family members have so that you can easily convey information to them in the way they like to receive information.  They are more likely to understand and remember what you said to them.

Watching your language is very important when you’re asking someone to do something, especially your kids. This has been a continuous learning process for me. I can hear Kasia in my head, telling me to be careful how I ask for something. Especially when I’m speaking to my kids – I am getting better at catching myself.

I have caught myself on many occasions using a comment like “Please don’t sit like that at the dinner table” or “Please don’t throw your clothes on the floor.” Well, guess what folks, our unbconscious minds (aka subconscious) DO NOT process negatives. So in reality what I have been saying to my kids is “Please sit like that at the dinner table” and “Please throw your clothes on the floor.”

It is no wonder on those days I am saying to myself “Why won’t they listen to me?” They are actually listening to what I say, only I forgot to use the correct language.

I am now more conscious of my language before the question comes out of my mouth.  I phrase my questions and requests in the positive.  I say it how I want it rather than how I do not. 

We talk in detail about how language affects our lives on our free CD so if you do not have it and you would like to know more, go ahead and sign up.  Kasia also writes about this in her book “Keys For Moms” which will be available on Amazon.com beginning on February 1, 2011.

YOU hold the keys to living an empowered life in YOUR hands. When you take 100% responsibility for your choices, your actions and your inactions, your life will change immediately.  You’ll recognize the excuses and reasons you have for staying in your comfort zone and suffering through your current story, and your story will change!  You are the creator of your reality.  Dr Wayne Dyer says that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. It’s true. You will see immediate results when you use this book because your mindset will shift.

Are you squeazing 36 hours worth of stuff into a 24 hour day?  You’re so busy doing things for your family that I’m willing to bet that YOU come last! At the same time you’re probably saying to yourself, “It’s my responsibility to do these things! I’m the mom!”

Do you get so run down trying to fulfill the roles that you don’t take time for yourself, and then complain about to your girlfriends or husband? 

Deep down, you know if you let go of the guilt about taking care of yourself and you stopped feeling afraid of changing things that aren’t working in your life, you would feel happier, more fulfilled, and less resentful of all those responsibilities you have taken on.

Do you feel you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and you’re taking care of everything and everyone else except you?  You tell yourself “someday” you will be able to find the time to enjoy your hobbies and work on your personal growth. For now, you’re going through the motions day after day — and the years slip by. 

Just because this is your life now doesn’t mean it has to be that way forever. In fact, you have the power to change it today.  Right now. You just have to choose to change and give yourself permission. This is very important. You can only change what you are 100% committed to changing. 

Changing your life doesn’t have to be complicated or take a long time. What it does take is commitment from you to put yourself and your needs first, to work on yourself, to be honest and willing to make whatever changes you need to make to achieve the life you want.

You must be willing to let go of excuses.  My own mentor, Fabienne Fredrickson, always tells me: when you’re interested, you do what’s convenient; when you’re committed, you do whatever it takes.  This John Assaraf quote is now a favourite of mine.

There are three requisites to creating change.  First you must focus on what you want.  Then you must clear out the negativity, limitations, and other mental and emotional gunk and sludge that is keeping you stuck.  Third, you must maintain your focus and take action.   You have the keys within yourself to unlock the door to endless possibilities.  

This book is divided into three sections.  Begin by working through the first section on getting clear on what you want.  Choose a key that you feel comfortable with and work on it for a one-week period.  Once you master the key, choose another one. While some of these suggest actions, others are simply concepts that involve making a conscious choice.  Practicing the actions will help you make them automatic. This process will take some time, and it is meant to . . . the purpose is not to overwhelm you.  I recommend first choosing the keys that speak to you the most or the ones that you know you can commit to easily.

Commit to yourself 100% and don’t waiver — no matter what anyone says.  These keys will light your path to your transformation into an empowered and fulfilled woman, a woman who has reclaimed herself and is now better able to not only fulfill her role as mom, wife, and professional, but also as a woman and a citizen of this world. You’ll become a woman who knows that the world is a better place because she is living and walking this earth.

Now available on Amazon here.

Now available for purchase in Electronic Form here.

Why is it so hard to change our minds sometimes?  In fact, have you ever tried to change your mind only to discover that your mind seems to have a mind of it’s own? 

What causes some of us to resist change and others to thrive on it?  Researchers and scientists such as Dr Bruce Lipton have stated that it comes down to what we believe is true for us.  If you want change to be easy you must change your beliefs.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it? 

There are so many cliches about change such as “nothing is certain except taxes, death and change,” that it’s no wonder there are also many myths surrounding this topic.  What were you told about change as you were growing up?  What are you telling your own kids about it?  I would like to debunk three myths about change to show that it’s simple and there is nothing to fear. 

Myth 1       If you’ve had a limiting belief for a long time it will take a long time to change it

Fact:  Our minds are like the software in a computer.  It may take us a long time to write a particular program for a belief or we may gain a belief very quickly.  Now, can you think of a belief that you used to have that’s no longer true for you?  A single event or a period of time may lead us to change our beliefs. The truth is, that it’s not the change itself that takes the time, it’s us being ready to do the changing.  

Changing beliefs is like changing a document in a computer. It doesn’t take any longer to change a document that has been in your computer 20 years than it does one that has been there for 20 minutes.  The hardest part for many people is being ready to change.  When you’re ready the change is instant.

Myth 2       Changing old behaviours and thought patterns is difficult and often painful.

Fact: Dr Bruce Lipton states that what and how we think and how we behave are caused by our beliefs.  When you change the belief you change the resulting behaviour or thought pattern.  You don’t actually need to suffer to change.  It’s easy to rewrite your own software when you work with the unconscious mind which is the storehouse of all your thoughts and behaviors.  This no pain no gain myth has no basis in science.  Scientifically, beliefs are represented by specific configurations of photons of light held in the electromagnetic field of your mind. Change the field and you change the belief and this doesn’t physically hurt.  Any perceived pain is often emotional and it’s that perception of change that we fear most, not the act of change itself.  

Myth 3       You need to consciously know what caused the problem in order to change it. 

Fact: Uncovering a problem and then talking about why a it exists and where it comes from rarely create any shifts in the direction of a solution.  When you’re ready to change and release your problems, it’s not necessary to know why it exists or where it came from.  Focusing on resolving  the problem and taking action to move forward makes the act of change itself very simple.

It’s easy to get caught up in beliefs and myths that have been around for many years.  With the strides that have been made in change technologies and alternative therapies in the recent years, I believe such myths will become a thing of the past for many.  It’s my hope that the world will continue to awaken and become more open to helping themselves let go of these fears and achieve what they want.

Over the holidays this year I encountered a situation I had never dealt with before. I was in Vancouver and was approached by someone who was obviously in a great deal of pain. He kept dancing around what was wrong and there was obviously something wrong. He finally confided in me that someone had recently shot him.

Not thinking twice I offerd my support and got him to where he could sit down. I made the necessary calls for emergency services and waited. He kept telling me and the folks I was with to go on, and he felt bad for keeping us. I remember telling him that our own errand was not nearly as important as his life and I insisted on staying with him. The emergency crews showed up quickly and took care of the man and the police ended up arresting him for being the wrongdoer in a prior incident shortly before he approached me.

After calling my wife and telling her the situation and about this guy being a wrongdoer who was involved in a police incident she bluntly asked me if I would have done the same thing for him had I known he was a wrongdoer in the first place. I immediately responded with of course I would have; he was a fellow human being in need of help.

I am going to be bluntly honest here and say that I am not sure I would have always responded with such conviction. There were some very dark times in my past where I may not have been so open to offering help to others. I am extremely grateful to the universe for having challenged me in this way, as it was another way for me to grow emotionally and universally.

I can honestly say that because of all my experiences and my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth I can now say I would help any human being no matter what the situation, in any way I possibly could. And this is also what I am teaching my children. They need to see the good in everyone because I believe, it is not the people that are bad but the choices they make and actions that they carry out.

So in closing I would like to borrow a concept from Neuro Linguistic Programming teachings that states: People are not their behaviors; accept the person and change the behavior. We do not know what caused that guy to make the choices he made and to get himself arrested. He has red blood in his veins just like the rest of us and he deserved to be helped.