I’m amazed at the fear I feel every time I feel like I want to be vulnerable with the world.  My first automatic thought is that “they’ll” think I’m some whiner.  The truth is, I’m allowed to be a whiner! I’ve finally accepted the fact that I have crappy days and I’m allowed to feel my emotions. I don’t have to have it all figured out and I don’t have to have all the answers – not instantly.  Sometimes not at all. 

I don’t expect perfection from my clients, my kids, or my husband – then why do I keep expecting it from myself? Hmmm…

So today as I was experiencing one of “those days” I decided to take a different approach.  Yes, I cried and I even thought “Why me? I want a happily ever after and I want it now!” for a few minutes. 

Then I got really mad. 

I got mad and I started taking action like never before on stuff that’s been on the back burner.  I didn’t feel like doing the usual to-do list so I looked at that back burner.  And you know what…? It felt good!

In fact, it fired up emotions, conviction, and the drive to do things differently.  It got me thinking outside the box.

I’m still mad and a little part of me still feels like it’s not fair.  But I’m actually really grateful that I took my anger and channeled it into moving myself forward instead of into chocolate or those really yummy chocolate chip bars I baked for the kids. 

I feel really empowered that I got the courage to share this too.  I know all moms have days and experience stuff that seems not fair.  Even those moms who pretend they don’t and those moms who don’t allow themselves to admit it. (I used to be one).

It’s liberating! Do it! Come clean with yourself and that alone will make you feel better!

For all moms (and dads) out there…what’s the biggest insight you’ve ever gotten out of one of “those days?”

In the “good old days” you went to school, then either to college or a trade school (usually following your father’s footsteps) and then you got a j.o.b. where you stayed until they gave you a gold watch on the date of your retirement. 

This rigid way of doing things is outdated now.  I love to learn things and I agree that knowledge is power.  But I don’t necessarily think that college, trade school, or even following in our parent’s footsteps is a one size fits all strategy.  The way we learn and the way we work has changed.  So why is it that, as parents, we still have that Gold Watch mentality about “how things should work“?

And why do we keep passing the Gold Watch to our kids?

We’re currently surrounded by news about the economy, how hard it is to make money, keep a job, buy stuff because prices are going up, etc, etc, etc.  Organizations, schools, and families get stuck in this hamster wheel of ”times are tough and we have no money so we can’t do anything.”  This mindset is not healthy because it keeps us stuck repeating old patterns and it teaches our kids all sorts of limiting beliefs about money, flexibility, and their ability to solve problems!

I heard a story once about a village in Brazil where a wooden bridge had been washed away in a storm.  The people didn’t know what to do about it because a new bridge mean they needed engineers, materials, time, labour, Mo-ney!  As they stood around commiserating about their misfortune, a young girl spoke up and said “My dad is an engineer, maybe he could help design a new bridge?”

Her simple statement led to a breakthrough!  A few other villagers began offering up some wood that they had laying around, someone else offered up their time and labour, and before you know it, the new bridge was built!  The people had come together and thought outside of the box and found the resources that they already had to rebuild a bridge.

Children are born without limits.  They find creative solutions because their creativity and ability are not contingent upon needing resources before having a solution.  They have an idea of what they want as their end result and then they figure out how to make it happen.  Children are taught how to accept limits by loving, well meaning parents and guardians who learned those things from their loving and well meaning parents and guardians. 

As an adult, how can you begin to think outside the box to accomplish your goals and create what you want?  As a parent, how can you reinforce and treasure your kids’ creativity and inner wisdom to follow their passions and be all they can be? 

1. Begin by pretending that you have all the resources and you design a solution.  Or,

2. Imagine your most ideal solution and what resources you already have to begin moving towards it. 

Resolving a problem or making a change doesn’t mean you have to have the whole thing figured out. You only need to know what you want and then take the most logical step towards it.  The villagers wanted a bridge – the logical first step was an engineer who already lived in the village.  They only needed to realize that they had the resources already and it took a child to point it out to them. 

Think from the perspective of a child – you can even ask your children for help.  And put aside all judgment about the ideas that begin to take shape.  They are not good or bad – they just are.  Again, it’s not about knowing the whole “how,” it’s about being creative and doing something different.  Because the Gold Watch rigidness of a comfort zone creates frustration and keeps us stuck. 

By tapping into your own creativity you will model flexibility, problem solving, and rising up to challenges for your kids way better than they could ever learn anywhere else.

When Bryan and I were in Florida last September we met a lady named Sile O’Broin while we were sitting in the hot tub.  We got to chatting and found out that Sile helped people who suffered from migraines – because she had overcome them herself. 

I’ve only ever had one migraine and it was due to an allergic reaction to a medicine I had been prescribed.  The pain had been unbearable!  I couldn’t imagine what it must be like to live with that degree of pain regularly. 

Bryan and I were both facinated to learn that one in ten people live with migraines!  And what was even more shocking to me was that over 80% of them are moms!

It’s hard enough on some days to be a mom with all the responsibilities we have.  On  most days it’s the most rewarding type of lifestyle – kids are such a gift!  But sometimes when you have one of “those days” when you wish you were on a desert island with a book and a cold drink, it can be a challenge to be a mom.  I can’t imagine what it must be like to face mommy challenges AND feel physically unwell because of a migraine!  Hats off to all the moms who power through it!

Sile suffered from migraines herself and finally had enough of it.  She got really curious about the real causes of the headaches because she was frustrated that doctors were at a loss!  She figured they must all be looking in the wrong places for the cause and only continued to cure the symptoms. 

She began to do her own studying and research and made some personal breakthroughs as a result.  She successfully abolished her own migraines as a result of her own work and decided that what she discovered was too good to keep a secret.  She decided to put together all her information into a coherent whole and has now dedicated her career to helping others abolish their migraines. 

I wanted to share with all of you Sile’s story because it’s so similar to my own – she did whatever it took to overcome her suffering and uncovered her purpose to serving the world.  She’s offering an online boot camp program where she will teach everything she knows about how to help yourself overcome your migraines.  I agree with her that this information  is too good to keep a secret – especially from all the moms with migraines out there! 

If you or someone you know wants and needs to know more about how to end migraines then please sign up for Sile’s informational call she’s doing this Friday, April 8, 2011.  It will change your life and the lives of many moms forever.

As parents we certainly do our best to teach our kids the things that make them feel self confident, believe in their own abilities, and the skills to handle any situation and rise up to any challenge.  Do our best and we hope it’s enough.  Yes, we hope…is there a way we can know for sure? Well, the easiest way is to look at how we rise up to challenges.

The whole idea of “the apple doesn’t fall far from the pear tree” is actually true – and scientifically proven.  Children (the apples) learn most from the people (the trees) who have the most influence over them – whether that’s biological parents, step parents, or other guardians. 

Think of yourself in a challenging situation, how do you respond?  As Dr Wayne Dyer says, “When an orange is squeezed, orange juice comes out.  What comes out of you when you’re squeezed?” And no, he doesn’t mean blood and guts.  He means, when you’re under pressure and challenged, what are your fall back responses? What are your most familiar and instinctual behaviours?

Knowing these will help you identify the underlying story that you tell yourself about how to respond to situations.  These stories are what create your life and the majority of them are deeply unconscious to us.  It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re true, you just learned them throughout your own life experience.  These are also the stories you’re passing to your apples – your kids. 

If you find that you’re not rising up to challenges in a way that you want to, then the good news is you can change your response!  Phew!  And no, it’s not difficult.  Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you start rewriting the stories you tell yourself.

1. What are you saying to yourself about a given challenge? 
2. Is it true, what you’re telling yourself? (We spend so much time convincing ourselves that we can’t, we’re not, we’re don’t have, we….it’s just as easy to debunk those lies and start telling ourselves things that don’t sabotage us.)
3. Who or what would you be if you didn’t believe this? 
4. What resources do you already have to be this person who believes the truth? 

Once you realize that what you tell yourself about any situation in your life is what creates the outcome – you can simply change what you tell yourself.  And don’t’ get all caught up in the “I’m just being realistic” game.  Reality is all in your head and with the right tools and action on your part, you can pretty much do anything you want.  Ok, maybe not grow wings and fly, but you know what I mean. 

Everything that you experience around you was once a challenge for someone – they chose to rise up to it and not tell themselves the “I can’t” story or the “it’s too hard story,” or the “here is my list of excuses” story. 

You don’t want your kids to have excuses; you want them to achieve their best, right?  Why do you allow yourself to have excuses then?  Teaching your kids by example and by role modeling for them is the easiest way to influence them.  They may not always listen to you but they sure as heck always watch you – even when you’re not aware of it.  Rise up to challenges with confidence and your kids will too. 

Who knows, maybe they will be the next inventor of something that will revolutionize humanity the way electricity, toasters, and smart phones did.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naWTWOrSV70[/youtube]

I received a big compliment from a colleague about the choices I’ve made during spring break with my kids.  It made me feel really good as a mom and a business owner.