I took a different approach to this year’s goals.  This new approach was inspired by the book Manifesting Change by Mike Dooley.  In it he talks a lot about how to really get what you want. And although I disagree with some of it and in my opinion, he skirts a few issues that are important, it’s a fantastic read and really gets you thinking about how to get what you want.  I mean really, in layman’s terms and it makes sense what he says.

So my goals for this year are still related to my business and my family life, but this year I’m focused more on internal stuff.  By that I mean on the way I feel and what type of experience I want to creat in my life as opposed to just having a goal for goal’s sake and because it’s what I should have as a business owner. 

My main focus this year is prosperity – that’s my one word theme for 2011.  All my results that I want to achieve center around this theme.  And it’s not just about money because money has only a little bit to do with prosperity. 

This year I want to creat meaning in every moment that I have with my family.  I want to continue to connect in meaningful ways with friends and new business people.  I want to feel that every action I take or don’t take really has a purpose in bringing me closer to my end result.  I want to greedily FEEL more good emotions than negative ones.  I want to do whatever I can do help others become what they are meant to be. I also want to take very good care of me – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

I’m going to

1. Be Grateful for everything I am and have in my life right now.

2. Focus on my end results.

3. Take action every day.

All these things bring prosperity in material and non-material ways.  So as much as I have financial goals and fitness goals with numbers in them, the numbers are not necessarily the main focus for me.  The experience is the main focus.  And that’s different from what I’ve done in the past.  I’m really excited about my year and my new approach!

Have New Years Resolutions become cliches? For some people Resolutions represent a goal that is set but never achieved. Some people set a Resolution because it’s tradition, even if they don’t end up achieving it. And some people don’t make any Resolutions because they just assume they won’t reach them anyway. Some people, however, do set Resolutions and achieve them – what is their secret?

A Resolution is a different label for a goal or an end result. Successful people set goals and then take action to achieving those goals. And achieving goals has nothing to do with having the whole route figured out and planned in detail. In fact, that’s where a lot of people go wrong and end up giving up on their goals.

Why are goals important? Because they help you figure out that you’ve arrived at the place where you wanted to be. Below are some secrets that I’ve learned about getting what you want in life. If you’ve heard these secrets before and are tempted to discount them because they haven’t worked in the past, consider this: have these strategies not worked because this is all rubbish? Or have these strategies not worked because you haven’t implemented them?

Secret 1: A good goal has a well defined end result. If you don’t know what you really want to achieve then how will you know when you have achieved it? If you don’t know, you will end up meandering and wandering around, creating more of the same in your life. Without knowing what specific results you want to have, you will just get vague results.

Secret 2: The goal must be meaningful to you and ecological for you, your family, your community, and the planet. This means that you set goals because you want to and not because someone else wants you to. When we try to do something to make someone else happy, we invariably fail. This doesn’t mean you don’t take others into account when setting your end result. It’s imperative to consider others and how they will be affected by your achievement of a certain goal.

Secret 3: Taking action. If you sit on your sofa and visualize all day how wonderful it will be when you achieve your goal, you will not achieve it. We live in a physical world and we must put in energy to get something in return. We must take action in order to manifest our end results. This doesn’t mean having everything figured out in detail. It simply means that we take action based on the steps we feel are the best steps to take towards our goal and then we tweak as we go.

Secret 4: Celebrating obstacles. Yes, celebrating them, not bemoaning them. If you did sit on your sofa and just visualize all day you would never reach an obstacle. Consider obstacles to be like mile markers telling you that you are getting closer to your end result. Obstacles are also opportunities for you to course correct and evaluate your progress.

How do you set goals properly? The good news is, there is no proper way. The even better news is that there are some easy guidelines you can follow:

1. Know your end result and be specific.

2. State your end result in positive language and as if you’ve already achieved it: “I have meaningful, clear, and respectful communication with my family” instead of “I don’t want to fight with my family”

3. Let go of whatever is standing in your way of achieving your desired end result.

4. Take action in the general direction of your goal, tweak or readjust your course as needed, and do something every day to move you closer to your goal.

5. Celebrate your obstacles and also your achievements.

No matter what you want to call it: a New Years Resolution, a Goal, or an End Result, it makes sense to define what you want to achieve. This way you will know you have succeeded in your life the way you want to instead of just meandering, hoping for the best.

What are you willing to do differently next year to make sure you’re in the place you want to be in December 2011?

Do you sometimes have days when you feel like you got nothing done? It seems like you time spend zipping from one errand to the next, take the kids from here to there, do this, do that…and at the end of it all your to do list remains undone. Been there done that! It’s the fastest way to frustration!

What if you were to stop and actually take inventory of what you did accomplish during such a day? That list would be long, I’m sure. Just because you didn’t do everything on your proverbial to do list, doesn’t mean you got nothing done.

Writing down all the big and small tasks that you do accomplish each day goes a long way to make you feel really good about yourself. It’s like having a backwards to do list. Instead of writing the list and crossing off things as you do them, you just write the things you’ve done! To me the best part of a list is the crossing off part – I’ve even writted in tasks I’ve accomplished that weren’t on there just so I can cross them off!

Feeling good about yourself and being grateful for what you do accomplish is important to keep your energy and motivation high. This is why taking an inventory of what you’ve accomplished this past year is a great idea to set the momentum for the new year.

It’s easy to slip into that same mentality of “I got nothing done last year that I wanted to do!” Chances are that’s not true at all. Take a moment and write out a list of all your accomplishments since the beginning of the year and revel in it!

And if there were some things that you wanted to do but didn’t – well, you can choose to focus on doing them now. Ask yourself:

What changes will you make that will help you accomplish those goals next year?

What resources do you already have in place to accomplish them?

What resources do you need?

Then just take action. And remember to pat yourself on the back for everything you do get done. Focusing your energy on what you don’t do or have or on what’s wrong in your life brings you more of the same.

What are you willing to do differently next year to make sure you’re in the place you want to be in December 2011?

I hear several people I know talk about going on a date night with their significant other. This, in my opinion is a very important part of a healthy relationship especially if you have kids. And it can sometimes be tough to get some quiet time, just the two of you.

There is, however, a catch to date night. Do not do the same thing every date night. You can fall into a rut and then your special night becomes another routine and no longer special.

I am a firm believer in “wooing” my wife even though we have been married for 10 years. I like to be creative.  OftenI like to do something really special like a surprise mini vacation, a night away, a reallyfancy dinner at a restaurant we have never been to before, or a show of some sort. 

The key to a really good surprise date night is to be creative. When you are planning it pretend that you are still trying to win her heart. Trust me, it will do wonders for your relationship by keeping you out of a rut.

I would love to hear what you come up with. Leave a comment and let me know.

What You Don’t Want

You’ve probably heard it said that what you think about expands. What does this mean exactly? It means that wherever you put your focus and attention, you get more of that. Think about it this way: in the area of your life where you have everything you want and it’s working like a finely oiled machine, your focus is very likely not on all the things that make it not work. It’s on those wonderful things that make it such a great part of your life! If you’re a healthy and fit individual that is in great physical state then you don’t go around worrying that you’re going to lose that. Just like if you have a meaningful, close and loving relationship with your spouse you don’t spend your days thinking about how to avoid the next fight or argument. You don’t have to worry about such things because they are not part of your life. Because you don’t think about them or focus on them, they don’t come into your awareness. You focus on being healthy and on loving and respecting your spouse. And that’s what you get more of!

Now, in the area where you don’t have everything you want you probably spend a lot of your day worrying and thinking about how bad things are. If you don’t like your current job you focus on all the ways in which you don’t like it. Or if you’re battling your weight you focus on all the ways in which your body doesn’t behave or look like what you want it to. And you get more of the same! Even when you try to change something you are stopped by all sorts of fears that come up for you.

We can look at this from the scientific perspective too. Your unconscious mind doesn’t process negatives. Your unconscious mind is also the goal getter, it’s where your values, motivation, behaviours, beliefs, and attitudes are encoded. (This is why this System focuses so much on working with your unconscious mind – because that’s where the change must occur for it to last.)

When you think about what you want in your amazing relationship your unconscious mind helps you get more of that because you’re thinking about it in positive ways. For example, I want respect and love and closeness.

When you think about not wanting to be heavy or not wanting that job you hate, you think about it in the negative. For example, “I don’t want to be heavy and unhealthy” or “I wish I wasn’t so tired all the time” or “I don’t like this job.” Your unconscious mind can’t process “do not want” or “do not like” and what it hears you saying and thinking is “I do want” or “I do like.” And that’s what it helps you get.

“You can’t not think about something without first thinking about it; think about that.” ~Dr Matthew James.

The good news is that you already know what you don’t want. Once you clear all that out you can begin to focus on what you do want so that you get more of it in your life. Worksheet #2 will get you started listing all the things you don’t want.  Sometimes you need to empty yourself of all the negatives in order to be able to focus on the positives.