I hear several people I know talk about going on a date night with their significant other. This, in my opinion is a very important part of a healthy relationship especially if you have kids. And it can sometimes be tough to get some quiet time, just the two of you.

There is, however, a catch to date night. Do not do the same thing every date night. You can fall into a rut and then your special night becomes another routine and no longer special.

I am a firm believer in “wooing” my wife even though we have been married for 10 years. I like to be creative.  OftenI like to do something really special like a surprise mini vacation, a night away, a reallyfancy dinner at a restaurant we have never been to before, or a show of some sort. 

The key to a really good surprise date night is to be creative. When you are planning it pretend that you are still trying to win her heart. Trust me, it will do wonders for your relationship by keeping you out of a rut.

I would love to hear what you come up with. Leave a comment and let me know.

What You Don’t Want

You’ve probably heard it said that what you think about expands. What does this mean exactly? It means that wherever you put your focus and attention, you get more of that. Think about it this way: in the area of your life where you have everything you want and it’s working like a finely oiled machine, your focus is very likely not on all the things that make it not work. It’s on those wonderful things that make it such a great part of your life! If you’re a healthy and fit individual that is in great physical state then you don’t go around worrying that you’re going to lose that. Just like if you have a meaningful, close and loving relationship with your spouse you don’t spend your days thinking about how to avoid the next fight or argument. You don’t have to worry about such things because they are not part of your life. Because you don’t think about them or focus on them, they don’t come into your awareness. You focus on being healthy and on loving and respecting your spouse. And that’s what you get more of!

Now, in the area where you don’t have everything you want you probably spend a lot of your day worrying and thinking about how bad things are. If you don’t like your current job you focus on all the ways in which you don’t like it. Or if you’re battling your weight you focus on all the ways in which your body doesn’t behave or look like what you want it to. And you get more of the same! Even when you try to change something you are stopped by all sorts of fears that come up for you.

We can look at this from the scientific perspective too. Your unconscious mind doesn’t process negatives. Your unconscious mind is also the goal getter, it’s where your values, motivation, behaviours, beliefs, and attitudes are encoded. (This is why this System focuses so much on working with your unconscious mind – because that’s where the change must occur for it to last.)

When you think about what you want in your amazing relationship your unconscious mind helps you get more of that because you’re thinking about it in positive ways. For example, I want respect and love and closeness.

When you think about not wanting to be heavy or not wanting that job you hate, you think about it in the negative. For example, “I don’t want to be heavy and unhealthy” or “I wish I wasn’t so tired all the time” or “I don’t like this job.” Your unconscious mind can’t process “do not want” or “do not like” and what it hears you saying and thinking is “I do want” or “I do like.” And that’s what it helps you get.

“You can’t not think about something without first thinking about it; think about that.” ~Dr Matthew James.

The good news is that you already know what you don’t want. Once you clear all that out you can begin to focus on what you do want so that you get more of it in your life. Worksheet #2 will get you started listing all the things you don’t want.  Sometimes you need to empty yourself of all the negatives in order to be able to focus on the positives.

Get Fit And Create Family Experiences And Memories

 I’m a husband, dad and granddad and I love fitness and an active lifestyle.  In recalling some my fondest moments with my children and wife they’ve all been around some physical activity, i.e. hiking, swimming, rock climbing, climbing a mountain, biking. The physical activity wasn’t as important as the time we spent together. 

 I also recall on several occasions other families looking to have some fun outdoors and several members of the family being too out of shape or overweight to participate.   They never said those words, but what they did say was something like, “I’m too tired” or “You go ahead and I’ll stay here and watch.”  

 How said, that because of something so easy to control – a persons level of fitness – that the family missed out on creating great memories. 

 Fitness is one of those things that is constantly in our face, but few ever take it seriously, that is until it’s too late. Fitness doesn’t have to be complicated or take hours a day to achieve.  It just takes a bit of mental strength, a plan and taking action.

 I like to look at fitness as being a part of and contributing to an active lifestyle.  This, I feel should be the goal of every family, to have an active lifestyle.  Sure, it’s nice to have game night and maybe even watch T.V. or a movie.  But those memories quickly fade away or turn into regret.

 By having an active lifestyle a family can create fantastic memories that will last a life time.  My kids still talk about our trips and hikes to Yosemite…and it’s been almost 15 years since those trips together.

 The question you’re probably asking at this point is HOW to create an active and fit lifestyle.

 Glad you ask!

 With the help a coach, you both can address the areas that are most overlooked in a successful conversion from a sedentary to active lifestyle.  These areas include:

• Environmental factors determine the external opportunities or constraints which individuals and families must function in. They involve considering where and when success occurs. This includes areas like:
  • The Kitchen
  • The workplace
  • School
  • Fitness area or gym
  • Outdoors

• Behavioral factors are the specific action steps taken in order to reach success. They involve what, specifically, must be done or accomplished in order to succeed and include:
  • Determining favorite activities like rollerblading, bike riding, running, etc
  • The optimum time to exercise
  • A change in nutrition
  • Work out 3 times a week

• Capabilities relate to the mental maps, plans or strategies that lead to success. They direct how actions are selected and monitored and might include:
  • The use of a schedule
  • Creating a family Code of Honor
  • Establishing accountability among each other

• Beliefs and values provide the reinforcement that supports or inhibits particular capabilities and actions. They relate to why a particular path is taken and the deeper motivations which drive people and families to act or not to act.  Some limiting beliefs to be examined can include:
  • It’s expensive to be fit and healthy
  • I/we don’t have time to exercise
  • I have too much work to do to exercise

• Identity factors relate to people’s sense of their role or mission. These factors are a function of who a person or family perceives themselves to be. Some identities to be explored can be:
  • “I’m overweight”
  • “I have an illness”
  • “We’re just a big boned family”

• “Spiritual” factors relate to people’s view of the larger system of which they are a part. These factors involve for whom or for what a particular action step or path has been taken (the purpose).  This can include
  • Living long enough to see your grandkids finish High School
  • To be an inspiration to your children
  • To be an inspiration to your parents

These are the main areas that, as a coach, I help individual and families look at when wanting to embrace an active lifestyle.  A combination of a personal trainer, great nutritionist and a coach can make the process of creating an active and fit lifestyle so easy that you’ll be wondering what’s taken us so long.

This is one of my roles as coach; to assist, encourage and transform families thinking and beliefs that they can’t be fit, healthy and active to knowing and believing that they can and then living it and creating great memories.

I’ve been reading this awesome book lately called the Intention Experiment by Lynn McTaggert.  She writes about the science behind intention.  It’s been quite a learning experience to read about all the different types of experiments and research being done in this area.

I’ve been a student and practitioner of Intention for many years.  And no matter how much I think I know, there is more to learn, to practice, and to receive.  It’s definitely been a journey. 

One of the main intentions I had put out for this past year was connections.  I wanted to meet the right people who would catch my vision and help me move it forward.  And when I look back at where I am today compared to when I first put that intention out there, it humbles me! 

I’ve had so many synchronistic meetings and encounters with just the right people this year!  One person would lead me to another and I would get excatly what I needed even before I knew I wanted it sometimes. 

I often get asked what I do to bring in clients and my answer is I network a lot.  The next logical question is then “does that work?” My answer is absolutely!  Because I always meet the right people at the right time.  And they are always those people that I need in my life.  My purpose in wanting to connect with others is not to meet everyone in a room or at an event.  Of course, the more people know about my work the better, but that’s not the whole idea.  I want to connect with those people who I am meant to connect with and build a relationship with to help both our visions. 

I’ve been very fortunate so far that the Universe is bringing those people to me.  I get so excited when we begin brainstorming and envisioning what we can accmplish together.  Intention really works whether scientifically or on faith.  It works and I’m glad I found it all those years ago.

Successful people in life are always positive people. They are the people who – know what they want – are optimistic – expect the best and expect to win. Are you one of them?

~Dr Martin Crouse