[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuuMidh2K14[/youtube]

There’s a great quote that I’ve read that always makes me stop and reflect:

      “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

The first time I read it I had a light bulb go on.  It takes real courage to do.  As much as being is important, doing can teach us a lot.  And not just doing for the sake of keeping busy.  I`m referring to the doing of that which naturally takes us closer to fulfilling our purpose here.

All the advancements in our civilization have come from others doing things – and facing the scrutiny and criticism of others.  I’ve come to realize that when we criticize or judge the ideas or work of others it’s because we either don’t believe, are afraid, or lack courage ourselves.  And by criticism I don`t mean authentic and well intended feedback that leads to improvement and growth.

Every time we criticize or judge it’s because something in the subject/object of our criticism brought up our own “stuff” – something we dislike in ourselves.  We can defend our own point of view by labeling the subject/object any number of names that we hope justifies our point of view.  Deep down, though, it`s all meant to deflect our attention away from whatever we are uncomfortable with inside ourselves. 

Human beings won`t stop creating, thinking, building, writing, learning…doing.  Every person, situation, and thing we are faced with in our life can teach us something.  We can either choose to judge and criticize it or we can choose to look within ourselves and learn something about ourselves when our “stuff” comes up.  Self reflection and learning take just as much courage as putting our creations and ideas out there for others to experience.

Children have a natural tendency to experience the world with awe and wonder.  They don`t automatically jump to what`s wrong with something that someone else created.  Children are courageous and ask questions and explore the old, the new, the regular and the different.  Children must be taught to judge and criticize – and I don`t know if that`s an important lesson to have to learn…what do you think?

Unlearning the act of criticism is something that also take courage.  And once we`re able to experience the ideas and works of others with the same type of awe that children do, we will feel a sense of freedom.  Of course not every idea or creation will fit into our own model of the world – but perhaps it will teach us something.  As parents we can then help our children to continue to have open minds and hearts and the courage to be and do what they are here for.  By letting go of judgment and criticism we open ourselves up to experiencing the world from a new direction.  By realizing that our ideas and creations will help others hopefully learn something, no matter how big or small, we have the courage to continue doing instead of choosing to be, say, or do nothing.

Excerpt From the Fresh Perspective Mindset Home Study System:

There are three prevalent communication styles that exist.  Knowing the differences between them and what to look for will help you communicate more effectively with your family, your friends and everyone you come into contact with.  Although most people do use more than one style at a time, everyone has a preference.  Knowing which style you prefer will help you become more flexible with your communication and allow others to understand you better.

1. Visual Communicators tend to speak quickly and sit and stand with their head and body erect and with their eyes up.  They breathe from the top of their lungs and often sit forward in their chair.  They memorize by seeing pictures and their thoughts can tend to wander which means they may have trouble remembering verbal instructions.  A visual person is interested in how something looks and tends to use words and phrases that reflect the visual modality.  Here are a few examples:

“I see what you mean”

“That’s very clear to me”

“I can visualise that”

“I can envision that”

1. Auditory Communicators tend to breathe from the middle of their lungs and often move their eyes sideways.  They can be easily distracted by noise.  They are able to easily repeat things back to you, learn by listening, and like music and talking on the phone.  They memorize by steps and sequences.  They like to be told how they are doing and are interested in how something sounds.  They will use language that reflects the auditory modality, saying things such as:

“Listen up”

“I hear what you’re saying”

“That’s music to my ears”

“Clear as a bell”

1. Kinaesthetic Communicators speak slowly and breathes deeply and from their belly.  They tend to look down and may also stand closer to people than the other communicator styles.  They memorize by doing or walking through something and are interested in what feels right.  Their language will reflect kinaesthetic words and phrases.  For example:

“Are you picking up on that?”

“Can you grasp this?”

“I have a handle on this”

“I feel you”

By listening attentively and paying attention to a person’s physiology and body language you can determine how they best like to communicate.  You can then build rapport with this person more easily by using some of the words and phrases that they use so that they will hear and understand you better.  It helps to know what type of communication style your family members have so that you can easily convey information to them in the way they like to receive information.  They are more likely to understand and remember what you said to them.

Watching your language is very important when you’re asking someone to do something, especially your kids. This has been a continuous learning process for me. I can hear Kasia in my head, telling me to be careful how I ask for something. Especially when I’m speaking to my kids – I am getting better at catching myself.

I have caught myself on many occasions using a comment like “Please don’t sit like that at the dinner table” or “Please don’t throw your clothes on the floor.” Well, guess what folks, our unbconscious minds (aka subconscious) DO NOT process negatives. So in reality what I have been saying to my kids is “Please sit like that at the dinner table” and “Please throw your clothes on the floor.”

It is no wonder on those days I am saying to myself “Why won’t they listen to me?” They are actually listening to what I say, only I forgot to use the correct language.

I am now more conscious of my language before the question comes out of my mouth.  I phrase my questions and requests in the positive.  I say it how I want it rather than how I do not. 

We talk in detail about how language affects our lives on our free CD so if you do not have it and you would like to know more, go ahead and sign up.  Kasia also writes about this in her book “Keys For Moms” which will be available on Amazon.com beginning on February 1, 2011.

Over the holidays this year I encountered a situation I had never dealt with before. I was in Vancouver and was approached by someone who was obviously in a great deal of pain. He kept dancing around what was wrong and there was obviously something wrong. He finally confided in me that someone had recently shot him.

Not thinking twice I offerd my support and got him to where he could sit down. I made the necessary calls for emergency services and waited. He kept telling me and the folks I was with to go on, and he felt bad for keeping us. I remember telling him that our own errand was not nearly as important as his life and I insisted on staying with him. The emergency crews showed up quickly and took care of the man and the police ended up arresting him for being the wrongdoer in a prior incident shortly before he approached me.

After calling my wife and telling her the situation and about this guy being a wrongdoer who was involved in a police incident she bluntly asked me if I would have done the same thing for him had I known he was a wrongdoer in the first place. I immediately responded with of course I would have; he was a fellow human being in need of help.

I am going to be bluntly honest here and say that I am not sure I would have always responded with such conviction. There were some very dark times in my past where I may not have been so open to offering help to others. I am extremely grateful to the universe for having challenged me in this way, as it was another way for me to grow emotionally and universally.

I can honestly say that because of all my experiences and my spiritual, emotional, and intellectual growth I can now say I would help any human being no matter what the situation, in any way I possibly could. And this is also what I am teaching my children. They need to see the good in everyone because I believe, it is not the people that are bad but the choices they make and actions that they carry out.

So in closing I would like to borrow a concept from Neuro Linguistic Programming teachings that states: People are not their behaviors; accept the person and change the behavior. We do not know what caused that guy to make the choices he made and to get himself arrested. He has red blood in his veins just like the rest of us and he deserved to be helped.